FAMILY GUY - ALL CARTOONS ARE F***ING DICKS Lyrics

On Monday I had drinks with Barney RubbleWe hit a couple divy little barsWe noticed there was quite a lovely ladySitting at the table next to oursNow Barney, who was pretty friggin' wastedGot up and stumbled over with a groanHe said: "Hey, just between us, my neanderthalic penis is as massive as a stegosaurus bone!”All Cartoons are fuckin' dicksThey get their kicks from being pricksIt's a quirk, we just can't fix'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicksMeg: “Did Barney really say that?”Peter: “Oh, yeah! He is a bastard.”Lois: “Wow!”Peter: “An-And he really does not give a damn about the feelings of women! Ah, aah.. it's Sad! It's really sad...”Brian: “Well you think that's bad, listen to this…”One day I met an ape of great charismaMagilla the Gorilla was his nameHe wore a little hat and matching bowtieA fashion witch has brought him great acclaimI said: "What do you see as your career-peak? Of all your many flashy escapades.”He said: "Well this is funky, but you're looking at the monkey who’s responsible for bringing you the AIDS. “All Cartoons are fuckin' dicksThey get their kicks from being pricksIt's a quirk, we just can't fix'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicksPeter: “So he’s the cold prick?”Stewie: “I say that is just awful!”Lois: “Okay, okay! Listen to this little gin…”I had a conversation at a partyWith famous Rabbit Hunter Elmer FuddHe told me I just had to see his rifleAnd dropped it at the table with a thudI said to him: “It’s quite a lovely firearm.”He told me his fiancé likes it toHe said: “This maybe corny but it really gets me horny when I press it to her temple while we screw!”All Cartoons are fuckin' dicksThey get their kicks from being pricksIt's a quirk, we just can't fix'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicksPeter: “Aw, God! That is one sick bastard!”Stewie: “Euw, you’re not kidding?”Brian: “Yeah, that… eeh… that stuff’s kinda’ against the law to, I think.”Chris: “Well, I got one that’s even worse than that…”On Friday-night I went to get some candySome soda and some chips and other stuffAlong the way I passed a little alleyAnd there I saw that K-9 called McGruffI said to him: “Hey! You’re that famous crime dog!”He said:“I only work from nine to five! And now it’s close “ten-ish” and Igot a job to finish ‘cause as you can see this hooker’s still alive!”All Cartoons are fuckin' dicksThey get their kicks from being pricksIt's a quirk, we just can't fix'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicksMeg: “That’s awful!”Stewie: “Uh! Imagine McGruff beating up hookers!”Peter: “He is a dick… He is a DICK!”Stewie: “Yes, yes! He’s a nasty Cartoon, but I can top that… Listen to this!”One day as I was strolling through the forestI happened on some mushroom covered turfAnd there from underneath a patro-fungusEmerged the one and only Papa SmurfHe said: “This is our secret mushroom village!”I said: “Then I’m the first to see these views?”He said: “I’m only kidding, ‘cause we only keep it hidden from the Asians, Adams, Faggots, Blacks and Jews!”All Cartoons are fuckin' dicksThey get their kicks from being pricksIt's a quirk, we just can't fix'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicksLois: “That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster!”Stewie: “Oh, he’s a dirty, nasty racist and a bigot and homophobe, and do you know what I did when I got home?”Brian: “What?”Stewie: “I called up Gargamel and I told him where the village is!”[LAUGHTER]Peter: “That’s sweeeeet…”Meg: “Can I go next?”Lois: “Of course, sweetie!”Meg: “One day I met a…-”Peter: “Holy crap! Look who’s here, it’s Jason Alexander!”JA: “Hey, Cartoon-haters!”Meg: “B-but I was supposed to go next!”Lois: “Quiet, honey! Mr. Alexander wants to talk!”JA: “I couldn’t help overhearing what you were talking about and I agree. Cartoons are real fucking assholes!”Brian: “Yeah, that’s sorta’ what we’ve been trying to communicate.”JA: “Well, get a load of this!”Peter: “(Laughing) He said load!!”Lois: “(Laughing) I know! I heard!”I once met Scooby-Doo at a première bashHe looked a little haggard and he stunkHe said: “The trouble started last December. When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk.”And now he’s got a child out of wedlockIt’s dealing his career a fatal blowI asked him: “Where’s the baby?”He said: “Jason, buddy, maybe now you see why fuckin’ Scrappy’s gotta go!”All Cartoons are fuckin' dicksThey get their kicks from being pricksIt's a quirk, we just can't fix'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicksPeter: “Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne?”JA: “Shocking isn’t it?”Peter: “Yeah! Hey, you douche bags wanna wrap this up?”[CHOIR SINGING]So let us now leave you with one suggestionA bit of wisdom you can take for free‘Cause the Micky’s and the Goofy’s and the Daffy’sAre not the gentle souls they seem to beSo anytime Sylvester catches TweetyOr Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix(He’s in a fix!)Sit back and just observe it;‘Cause the little shits deserve itFOR ALL CARTOONS ARE FUCKIN’ DICKS!Stewie:“So! When do we get to the ‘off-color’ part of the album?”